Wet 4
by Osa P
Summary: The wetness continues, and yes Kurama and Hiei are actually in this one. naked.


This is a story. This is a true honest to goodness story. Wait! Ah fuck! This is supposed to be a tale! *snorts* What the hell ever. Anyways, in this story/tale/caffeine-withdrawal-high there were two boys. One was hot and one was...uh....not so much. Though that really wasn't his fault cuz he was in some fire or car accident or fight or demon's lair or whatever other reason his fans have come up with. But the reason doesn't matter cuz he looks seriously hot sometimes, especially with his hair down. How spifferlicious.   
  
One was a demon and one was sure as hell not. But the demon was only half demon cuz his mother, the drunkard, got drunk, as expected, and ended up shaggin this hot demon dude. She got pregnant and popped out a little boy who only looked human but who could've probably destroyed the drag-queens house he was born in. Then she kinda accidentally on purpose forgot to tell the boy that his dad was a demon monarch for about 15 years of his life.  
  
One had black hair and the other had orange. One was tall and one was short. One was kinky and one was forced to participate in the others kinkyness. One was stupid but worldly, and one was S-M-A-R-T, smrte, but probably couldn't pick a condom out of a row of balloons. One was always the hero and one was always kidnapped. Now you may ask why would I write that last sentence? I wonder that too. But wait, maybe that short, if not stupid, phrase means something. Well, it does. The one will be kidnapped. Yesssssssss, the one. Not Neo...rite...  
  
Our story/tale/c-w-h begins on some bright and sunny day. It was sooo sunny and pleasant and happy that the clouds opened up and let loose torrential downpours of cynical drops of rain. Damn sunshine! Always has to be the best! oh...ahem. And the wind? The wind did blow. It blew like a rich male prostitute. It was northerly wind too, makin it damn cold as well as rainy. Oh, and it was February. And 34 degrees so that it was cold enough to be uncomfortable and sleetish but not cold enough to have it snow. Honestly, which would you prefere? Est-ce que tu prefere?   
  
And on this beautiful day of February the 13th our young heroes were stuck outside because SOMEBODY lost their house key. We won't name any names, but it was Yusuke who lost his damned key. So, Yusuke and Kuwabara were stuck outside of their newly bought house, freezing their asses off. Not to mention, they didn't look at the weather that morning so the idiots had on leather jackets. For the last f'in time, leather is not that f'in warm! Sure as hell better not use the excuse 'well, it keeps a cow warm'. *grumble grumble*  
  
Yusuke was currently trying to gently beat his door down so he could take his poor poor, trembling, human lover inside and warm him up. heheheh..... You're prolly wondering why he doesn't just blast the door off. Think about it. If it were your brand new freakin expensive whore of a house, would you wanna decimate the door and the entry hall with your awesome-iful finger blast? No! Psychos.  
  
Poor poor Kuwa, who we'll nickname Pp. Kuwa, which looks alot like 'Pages Kuwa' but what the hell ever, was shivering and shaking out in the sleety icy mess. His jacket was nearly soaked all the way through, and his hair gel was long gone, which means he looked terribly hot. Like a hot dog, only hotter. More like a Sonic dog cuz those things are always fresh, made-to-order. God bless them and their children. But, Pp. Kuwa also looked quite adorable. He had the kyutest little pout on his long face. Thas rite, kyutest. And yes that's rite, rite.  
  
Pp. Kuwa sniffled a little before letting out a sneeze that wracked his tall frame, making him whimper in the aftermath. Hearing his fragile lover whimper, Yusuke doubled his efforts to open the door using his credit card. 'Damn Jeldwen doors!', he thought. 'Why do they have to be made so damned f'in well!'  
  
**You have just witnessed an inside joke. Ignore it and continue reading.**  
  
Finally fed up with the whole damned mess, he shot a small beam of energy at the lock and it exploded in many many shiny pieces. Oooo shiny. purtyful. He lifted one soaked foot and kicked open the now unlockable door and shoved Kuwabara inside, before shutting the door and immediately jumping on his lover to help get him warmed up. I don't see how shoving your tongue down someone's throat will make them warmer any faster than the conventional way, but damn isn't it a whole helluva alot nicer?   
  
So passionate make-out session and then some undressing. And then Yusuke did a loverly strip tease. He started by lifting his foot and removing his boot. Oh, and then he removed his other boot in the same fashion. Then his sexAy. long. bright. yellow. socks. Oh yeah. He slid each sock of sensuously before stripping everything else so he was in his boxers.   
  
Yusuke now mostly naked, pushed his lover back on the bed and straddled him. He leaned down with that oh so special leer in his eye and open mouthed kissed him. For a while. ...A long while.......................... And then little demon boy began to slowly undress his lover, spreading hickeys like wildfire all over his once chilled skin. But, oh, how he took of Kuwabara's watch, unclasping it and sliding it down his wrist. Makes the blood boil, ne?   
  
Then they were both naked....and grinding....and uhm...moaning n' stuff. And then they got some lube, and did some preparing of the Kuwa child, and then Yusuke stuck it in. And urm.....*blush* thrust thrust thrust, big climax, and shouts of "Kazu-chan!" and "Yusuke!". yes.....the end. *goes to fan self*.  
  
Ahem. They lay there, sated and blissfully happy, as most people are after a rousing game of hide the sausage. Of course this would have been a seriously impromptu time for someone to show up. It'd ruin the whole moment yanno. So when Kurama and Hiei showed up, undead and thoroughly child-less, the demons gave the snuggling couple and incredulous look, much like the one the readers are currently giving the author.   
  
Hiei's face acquired a red hue as the loving couple shifted causing the sheet to slip from its already precarious position. Kurama just shrugged. He'd seen worse. Kuwabara and Yusuke shifted a little more and the sheet fell completely off their boxer-clad bodies. As amazing as this may seem to the common person this is all actually quite possible. In the milliseconds between the end of nanana nana and collapsing on the bed, it is possible for one to slide their undergarments back into place as if they had never left to begin with. It truly is a marvel of modern science, but if you've watched as many primetime dramas as I have you'd know that it is completely humanly possible.  
  
Despite the wonderful maneuver previously discussed in the above paragraph, Hiei turned as red as a tomato. It's always the tough, callous, bitchy ones that can't deal with sex stuff. Kurama snickered but otherwise said nothing. Yusuke, feeling the draft the sheet no longer protected him from, groped around blindly for its warmth and comfort. He pouted a bit before sitting up to continue his search for his favorite Yu-Gi-Oh sheet. It was the one with the millennium puzzle, Yugi, Joey on it. Oooo and it had the Dark Magician in the background too! Special special! ^_^  
  
His eyes groggily opened revealing to him the two demon voyeurs that now inhabited his room. He blinked before wondering, much like the readers, how in the fuck they were alive. He attended their funeral! He gave the last rights! He didn't do shit actually cause they never died in the first place and that was just a clever ploy to get more people to read these piece of crap shards of fiction!!   
  
grrrr.... i want my damn chocolate back!! *kills several small children* hmph. thas alitto better.   
  
Yusuke grabbed his favorite sheet and positioned it on Kuwa's body before climbing out of bed to attend to his guest.  
  
"Hiei. Kurama. I know that were all buddy-buddy and shit," he closed his eyes before extending The Finger, "but what the fuck are you doing in our house?!"  
  
Kurama pulled out his cigarettes and lit one. He took a long drag on it before speaking. "Your door was open."  
  
Hiei, still blushing, glared at his taller lover as he continued to puff away on his death stick.   
  
"Oh... well then, you guys want some tea or something? It's cold like a bitch out there." Yusuke gestured for his friends to follow him into their marble tiled kitchen and began to prepare the tea. He took out his water pot and set 4 cups on the table, figuring that his own lover would soon be joining them.   
  
"So, what're you to love birds doing for tomorrow?", Yusuke asked as he shot the water pot with a small beam energy, instantly boiling water.  
  
Hiei glared at his still smoking lover. "Well we sure as hell won't be smoking tomorrow!" Kurama, ruffled his hair and laughed. "No, we won't. Don't worry about it."   
  
Hiei pouted. "You promised."  
  
Kurama smiled. "Yes, I did, and I never break promises." Hiei smirked his little smirk. "Unless my youko sides around, but he's usually horny so you'll know." Hiei unconsciously rubbed at his bum, not so fond memories returning to him.  
  
By now Yusuke had served the tea and was waiting for Kuwa to show up. "I don't know about you two, but I've planned the most perfect day of his entirely life." The demons opposite him at the table leaned in a bit, now fully paying attention. "Tomorrow morning he'll wake up to his favorite breakfast, chicken and waffles, then a luxurious strawberry scented bath will be waiting in that new hot tub we have upstairs. After he's all clean and dressed I'm taking him out to all of his favorite spots, even the Children's ward at the hospital! And after all that the evening will end with dinner at his favorite restaurant, Sonny's BBQ. That's when I'm giving him his gift." Yusuke smiled wistfully.  
  
"So, like what did you like get him Yusuke?", Hiei squeaked out. Yusuke looked at him oddly as the short demon blushed more than he had in their bedroom. Kurama just shrugged. He'd seen worse.  
  
Yusuke gave Hiei one last look before revealing his final plans. "I bought him the one thing that will make him willingly get him to allow a whole week and a half of extreme bondage sex."  
  
"A manicure set?!" Once again, Hiei. Yusuke took a leaf out of Kurama's book and shrugged, he too figuring that he'd seen worse.  
  
"I got him a kitten. It's a girl just like Ekechi, so we won't be overrun with kittens in a few months. But she really is sweet. Even to me." Yusuke sighed as a man does when he actually plans Valentines activities ahead of time. Wow, what love. What heart. What obliviousness.  
  
While the 'guys' were talking Kuwabara was finally ready to roll out of bed, but before he could even put a toe to the floor a dark mist filled the room. He shivered involuntarily. The mist grew exponentially (SAT word ^^) before it solidified into a being. It was a woman. But not just any woman. She was a __________________.  
  
She cackled before snapping her fingers. Kuwabara disappeared in a flash of light. Poor guy couldn't even put on a shirt or something. Damn, that sucks.  
  
Yusuke, still in the kitchen, twitched. Oh no. No, it couldn't be. He growled, squeezing and then breaking his teacup in his sudden rage. "Dammit, you guys! My Kuwa Sense TM is tingling!" At this Hiei burst out laughing. Kurama shot him a look, before lighting up a another cigarette and shoving it against Hiei's forehead. He'd done worse.  
  
Yusuke ignored the two's antics, too overcome with worry. He dashed into his bedroom only to find his lover missing. No, Virginia there is no Kuwabara. Any normal soap opera reject would have collapsed to the floor and screamed out their lover's name vowing to enact vengeance on the kidnapper, but Yusuke had blown up far too many TV's after watching 'Days of Our Lives' and was kind of an expert at this situation, so he merely growled.   
  
"That's it! I can understand when I've had a bad day. I can understand while I'm sleeping. I can understand fucking Chrizzlemizzle! But no one kidnaps my boyfriend the day before Valentine's day!!" His spirit energy enveloped his body in his immense angryousness. He was like totally glowing and stuff. The energy expanded and brightened until, in a flash of lightning, he dissapparated. He was more than a little pissed. He was a little enrage-some.  
  
Kurama and Hiei watched from the doorway as their longtime partner dissaparated. Actually Kurama watched. Hiei rubbed at the burn mark he had on his forehead. Poor guy. *snickers*  
  
***********************************  
  
Kuwabara, already awake for once, gazed around at the room he was in. Pink....more pink...pink like your mama never gave ya! 'Man', he thought, 'I'm in a girl's room.' No, our little Kazuma has nothing against girl's rooms at all. He does have a sister after all, but when your sister's a manly, bitchy, ass-kicking lesbian, do you really think she'll have pink frills all over the place? Naw, didn't think so. That coupled with the fact that the room was fucking pink caused our young captive to cringe.  
  
As Kuwa became increasingly disgusted, the figure that dissaparated him slinked up behind him. She had a very nice figure. When I say very nice, I mean very Naiche (pronounced 'nai-esh' with an accent on da end). She was clothed in a black and red Chinese dress with matching spiked armbands and choker. She was precious really. Her skin was extremely pale. Though, one couldn't really call it skin, what else can you call the stuff that differentiates you between a normal person and a little boy molesting pop star? Her hair was silver and restrained by a pair of chopsticks, leaving only two lightly curled strands to frame her face. Oooo purty. She sure was a purty man. Ya'll didn't know? The she was a he. And he was currently standing right up next to Kuwabara. Too bad Kuwabara didn't know that. The man thing or that he was right behind him. Yes.  
  
Said boy felt a small tremor run through his body and he slowly turned around to face his kidnapper. Needless to say, he blushed, and he blushed hard. But wait, that's his kidnapper! And a girl! What would Yusuke think?! Now he was disgusted with himself that he blushed hard. Then he blushed in shame because he was disgusted with himself that he blushed hard. Then he blushed harder because he blushed in shame cause he was disgusted that he blushed hard. Then he was disgusted that he blushed harder because he blushed in shame cause he was disgusted that he blushed hard. And then he-aw fuck it! I have a headache. *pops Tylenol* damned gastroenteroligist.....  
  
'She' smiled down at him alluringly and placed a hand on his bare shoulder. "Why hello Kazu-kun!", she giggled as her hand began to stroke his shoulder. "Oh my, I never expected you to be this muscular. No, I didn't." She shook her head playfully/insanely. Honestly, she's a crazy bitch, but what the hell ever.   
  
Kuwabara's eyes were impossibly large as her hand kept trailing lower and lower down his forearm. It was creepy. And molesting-like. "Look, lady, your, uh...really pretty and stuff, but.....um.....can I go home?" Pout.  
  
Kuwabara's adorable plea only served to send his captor into a fit of squeals followed up by a major glomp fit. "Awwww!! You are soooo kyute!"   
  
She squeezed him tightly to her 'bosom' for a good 15 minutes. But after that, the shiznit arrived, and boy was he shiznacular. The shiznit was named Yusuke Urameshi and Yusuke Urameshi didn't take no stuff. Word.   
  
The evil kidnapping woman person ceased in her glompination to stare at Yusuke. He had come in all a glitter and looking quite pissed. I'd stare too. But I'd run also, cause black people are just smart like that. She didn't stare for long however, for she took out a large elaborately decorated fan. However pretty the fan was it still didn't soften the razor blade lined edges. She placed the edge of the fan directly under Kuwa's pale neck.   
  
Yusuke glared at the fan wielding beauty before him as though he were going to use laser vision to implode her spleen.  
  
"Let. Kuwabara. Go.", Yusuke gritted out between clenched.  
  
The femme fatal cackled at his angry form. "Yusuke Urameshi, I am Natoline, and I will be your downfall." Yusuke glared harder if that was even possible. Natoline's eyes sharpened. "Kazu-kun is mine!" With that, the battle began. It wouldn't last long though. Yusuke was more than a little enrage-some. He was a little bloodthirsty.  
  
Yusuke lunged at Kuwa's female captor brandishing his energy-wielding finger. Natoline leapt deftly out of his line of fire, Kuwabara still in her clutches. However, by leaping back she had trapped herself into one corner. Yusuke had her good and trapped making his life a whole hell of a lot easier. When Natoline did not cower in fear, he became a little apprehensive.   
  
Natoline lifted one well-manicured hand and sent forth hundreds of tiny shards of some unknown substance. Yusuke barely had time to dodge them as they sped toward his hot form. She cackled as a few of her shards met their mark.  
  
"That, Urameshi, is how I plan to win." She smirked as she stalked up to half-demon boy, hand out with Kuwa still in tow. "Unlike my cousins I am quite capable of defeating anything that comes my way. I also know all of your weaknesses. I. Am. Unbeatable." At this Yusuke growled and attacked, once more lunging at her. She quickly dodged to the right, narrowly missing impalement. In retaliation she sent out another round of shards. Yusuke was caught off-guard as many more hit their mark this time than the last. Blood spurted from the tiny wounds, but he kept on.  
  
Throughout all of this leaping and jumping about, Kuwa was still magically unharmed and in his captor's arms. He was feeling a tad bit sick, though. Natoline lunged to the left, missing another spirit blast. Did I say a little sick. I meant really sick. Like this kid was going to blow chunks at any second now.  
  
On the righteous end of the battle, for the hero type dude is always righteous, Yusuke wasn't doing to well. He'd gotten shards in what seemed like every orifice of his toight body. He shifted a bit. Damn. He got a few even THERE. Oh, this bitch had to die. No one hurts his mini demon! Yusuke, in a crazy bout of genius paused mid-jump, aimed and fired at Natoline's hair.   
  
Natoline barely had time to blink as the blast ravaged her silken locks. She shrieked in pain and anguish, but mostly just anguish. Vanity is crap, lemme tell you. "Damn you Urameshi! Do you know how long I took to come that out!" In her distress she released Kuwabara and then burst into tears.  
  
Kuwabara crawled over to Yusuke and clung to one of his legs like a fat man to the world's largest pudding cup. That's right, awkwardly and with ravenous interest. La. The newly reunited couple stared at their foe. Was that mass of make-up, fake nails, and tranvestiteness really their enemy? Yusuke helped his lover stand and they both approached the once elegant figure apprehensively. She glanced up at them before flinching and shying away.   
  
Our dear Kuwa looked upon her with the most sympathetic eyes a man has ever shown to woman. He placed a hand on her shoulder and drew her into an awkward embrace. She cried harder. OMG I'm gonna go cry.....*wails* .....Adrian! Adrian!!!!!!   
  
oh...um....*coughs*........they did some more sentimental shit before she dried her little eyes and let the sunshine in! *beams*  
  
"I'm so sorry, I just *hic* I just wanted someone pretty to play with!", Natoline explained. "I mean, Kazu-kun is gorgeous with his hair down and you did kill my cousins, so I thought I could just-" She burst out into another crying fit.  
  
"Aww, Yusuke, she just didn't want to be alone on Valentine's day. We can't kill her for that."  
  
And in that moment, Yusuke's heart grew 3 whole sizes. "You're right my love. I would be nothing without you after all." With that, he bestowed upon young Natoline the ability to love. In other words he called up Keiko, put her in a pretty dress, and gave her to Natoline as a V-day gift. Natoline, though Keiko was quite vocal and quite a bit annoying, was very much appreciative.  
  
"Thank you so much Yusuke! You've changed my life!" She hugged the couple before her. "Now I don't feel like I have to dress like a girl anymore!"   
  
Kuwabara and Yusuke simultaneously twitched. Natoline released them and grabbed her new captive. "By the way, I am water from a cactus and my real name is Nato. Thank you so much!" With that, Nato dissapparated, leaving to really freaked out young men.  
  
Kuwa stared at Yusuke. Yusuke stared at Kuwa. Kurama and Hiei showed up. Yusuke developed a kink for having voyeuristic sex. Hiei blushed. Kurama, well....he'd still seen worse.   
  
**************************************  
  
V-day went off without a hitch. After Kuwabara was allowed to rest up he was roaring and ready to go. He had one of the best days of his life, and Yusuke was ecstatic seeing his lover so happy. And yes, Yusuke did get a week and a half of extreme bondage sex. Actually, he got two.  
  
Hiei did not get his wish, and Kurama smoked all day. Especially while he had the poor short demon tied up and was *bleep*ing him senseless.  
  
The only way to conclude this story is to....well....... I just have to say one thing: Ekechi's a lesbian.  
  
*************************************  
  
uh...happi v-day ya'll! oh and i'd like to thank bit-blackmage (and hiei), kazi-chan, koyto rakeroshi, sophia, atayan-girl86, and rose for leaving the best reviews a girl could ever have! Thank you soooooo much! I'd really appreciate it if everyone left their e-mail to so i could thank u personally. thanks so much u kidz!! *huggles all* 


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